TBAGM Vol. 3 Chapter 3 Part 1

Chapter 3 – What We Can Do

“Hey! What do you mean Lord Lloyd was kidnapped?!”

Ellis grabbed both of Nick’s shoulders and demanded an answer as he sat in the guild’s main hall.

Ellis, the swordsman Nero, the ogre twins Mii and Rii, Mint, and Loren had all rushed back from the dungeon after receiving word that Lloyd had been abducted.

Seated beside Nick were Elna and her subordinate, Rena.

Further back stood the craftsmen under Nick and Elna as well.

“A-Ah, Ellis… welcome back.”

“This is no time for ‘welcome back’! I’m asking about Lord Lloyd!”

“That’s right. Lloyd’s safe. He’s in his room right now.”

Hearing that, Ellis and the others let out a breath of relief. They still had no idea what was going on, but Lloyd’s safety mattered more than anything else at the moment.

“He’s safe!? Thank goodness… but if he’s safe, then why do you all look like that?”

“That’s…”

Nick fell silent.

He was not the only one with a grim expression. Every last one of them had lost all vitality.

Then, as though speaking in Nick’s place when he could not, a woman’s voice rang out.

“I am truly sorry. This is all my fault.”

“Hm? You are…?”

Ellis tilted her head at the unfamiliar voice.

If she was here, then she had to be connected to the kidnapping somehow.

Mint and the others cast her harsh looks, but an especially fierce killing intent came from behind them.

“Hey! Why the hell are you here?! Wraith!”

“Ugh!”

Nero grabbed Wraith by the scruff of the neck while her head was still lowered and slammed her into the wall.

The impact compressed her organs, and saliva spilled from her mouth.

“Don’t screw with me, you trash from Incarnation of the Sun! What did you do to Lloyd?!”

“That’s not it, Nero! Wraith is…!”

Elna tried to stop him.

But it seemed Nero could not hear anything right then. He seized Wraith by the collar once more.

“If this was how it was gonna turn out, I should’ve killed you back then! You people from Incarnation of the Sun are always getting in our way like this!”

“Nero. Stop. You haven’t even heard what happened yet.”

“Shut up, Ellis! Maybe you don’t know this, but this woman’s one of the dark side operators of Incarnation of the Sun…”

“I said be quiet.”

Ellis fired 【Water Ball】 at Nero’s head.

The spell was a tiny one with almost no power behind it.

Nero had never expected Ellis to attack him, so he ended up thoroughly drenched.

Leaving him there, Ellis walked over to Wraith.

Then she spoke in a way meant to reassure the frightened woman.

“Hey, Wraith. You’re Rei, aren’t you?”

“Huh?”

“Your appearance and voice are different, but I can tell. Your aura gives it away.”

“No, ‘your aura’…”

“We spent so much time together. Of course I can tell. That’s why I know there’s no way you would ever hurt Lord Lloyd.”

Seeing Nero even more upset than she had been must have helped Ellis calm down.

The moment Wraith heard those words, tears came pouring from her eyes.

“I-It’s… my fault… U-ugh… I… I didn’t make it in time…”

“You did your best for Lord Lloyd, didn’t you? It’s okay. It’s okay.”

Taking Wraith away from the dazed, soaking-wet Nero, Ellis embraced her trembling body.

Then, once she confirmed that Wraith had calmed down, she asked with a gentle smile,

“Can you calmly explain what happened?”

“Y-Yes… Lord Lloyd…”

Though she fought back her sobs, Wraith explained the entire sequence of events to Ellis and the others.

†

When I, Lloyd, came to, I found myself back in my room.

Wraith, who had been beside me when I woke up, told me that she was the one who had brought me back. She explained that she had been serving me as Rei all this time, but I only listened absentmindedly and gave vague replies.

What had become of Noir by now? Wraith had said I did not need to worry, but…

No, none of that mattered right now.

“Haa…”

What… what had I even been living for?

Up until now, I had simply followed the path my sister, Lishia, would have walked.

Lishia would have been beloved by many. My sister would have used 【Appraisal】 to discover the talents of countless people.

All I had done was walk the path the late Lishia should have taken.

And yet, the man who had killed Lishia had gone on living in comfort.

Without even knowing that, I had sought happiness in my ordinary life.

Even though this happiness of mine was something I had received from Lishia.

“AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH――――!”

I screamed as if I were vomiting out every emotion inside me.

What was all that about aiming to build the strongest guild? What was all that about discovering hidden talent?

While I had been thinking such carefree thoughts, Noir had continued creating more victims.

“Back then… why did I convince myself Noir was dead?!”

I had believed that once he was thrown into the subterranean prison, there was no way he could ever return to the world above. I had never doubted he would be executed.

To begin with, it had been strange. There was no way a man with that much power could have been subdued by my brother Kyros’s level of advanced swordsmanship alone.

And yet, without realizing it, I had clung to hope. No, perhaps it was more accurate to say I had turned my eyes away from despair.

I did not want to remember anymore.

I did not want to remember the happiness our family of three should have had, nor the instant it was all stolen away.

That was why I had begun this escapist fantasy of tracing the path Lishia should have walked.

It had been easy. If I did that, I would not have to feel guilty for still being alive.

But that escapism was over now.

“Ah… ahh, why am I even alive…?”

The moment I came back to myself, a sudden emptiness washed over me.

Everything was because I had been powerless.

If only I had been stronger, if only I had been smarter, if only I, if only I, if only I, if only I, if only I…

Knock knock knock.

A light knocking sound cut through my thoughts.

“Lord Lloyd. There’s something I want to talk to you about. May I come in?”

“…………”

“I’m coming in.”

I did not even have the energy to answer, so I remained silent.

Taking that silence as permission, Ellis slowly opened the door and stepped into the room.

Then her eyes widened when she saw me sitting collapsed on the floor.

“L-Lord Lloyd. Are you all ri—”

“Would you leave?”

I said it to Ellis in a voice edged with pressure.

I could not bear for Ellis of all people to see me in such a pathetic state.

“Just leave me alone for now. I don’t want to think about anything anymore.”

What was a guildmaster even saying?

I was the one who had rallied everyone, saying this was the most important time of all.

If Ellis had already returned, that meant Incarnation of the Sun was continuing its dungeon conquest even now while I sat here like this.

It meant the dramatic rise we had built so steadily until now could all come to nothing because of me.

And yet, I did not want to think anymore. I could not think.

“…”

Even so, Ellis did not move from where she stood.

As though she had come here with some sort of resolve, she did not budge an inch from in front of me.

“What is it…? If you’ve got something to say, then say it!”

I snapped harshly at her.

Was she pitying me for seeing me like this, rotting away? Or was she looking down on me in sorrow?

It did not matter which it was. There was no way I could keep leading this guild anymore.

Everything that had filled my life and given it meaning until now was gone.

There was nothing left for me anymore…

“Lord Lloyd. Please listen without saying anything.”

“…”

Ellis wrapped both arms around me as I sat there on the floor, embracing me as though to envelop me completely.

The warmth of her chest accepted me.

“There is someone I love.”

“Huh? What are you talking ab—”

I did not understand what she meant. What was Ellis talking about?

I tried to pull away from her, but her arms would not let me go.

“That person is someone who can make the people around him happy. He is always smiling and kind. If he sees someone hanging their head, he reaches out a hand before he even stops to think.”

Still holding me, Ellis went on.

“To be honest, that person is not strong. If we fought, I would win. But he tries harder than anyone. He struggles more than anyone, and he has so many things more important than strength.”

Loosening her arms just a little, Ellis looked into my eyes.

The way she looked at me held neither pity nor sympathy.

It was compassion. A compassion so deep it seemed as though it could embrace anyone.

Her eyes met mine, empty of all light, from so close that I could feel her breath.

“That person always affirms us. He acknowledges us, even though everyone else had called us worthless and unnecessary until now. Because that person is here, I can cast 【Water Ball】 with pride.”

For some reason, I could not pull my gaze away from her eyes.

As though drawn in, I found myself staring into them.

“I love that person’s smile, the way his cheeks soften, the way the corners of his mouth lift. Just seeing that smile is enough to make the rest of us happy too.”

“Why are you… talking about that now…?”

Why was she telling me something like this in a moment like this? Why did my chest hurt so much?

Each time she piled feeling upon feeling into her words, my heart let out a silent scream.

“I love that person’s eyes. Every time those eyes turn toward me, my heart skips a beat.”

“…………”

“I truly love everything about that person. I would do anything to protect him. No matter what happens, I will stay by his side.”

Once she finished speaking, she tightened her arms around me.

As though declaring that I belonged to her, she gripped my shoulders with her slender, delicate hands.

We were so close that if either of us moved even a little, our lips would touch. At that distance, close enough to feel each other’s breath, she said,

“I believe in him. No matter how difficult things become, no matter how painful his circumstances are, he will stand up again.”

“…………”

I almost looked away from her.

What was she doing? What was Ellis trying to do?

I did not understand any of it.

She had suddenly started talking about the person she loved, and now she had come this close.

I understood nothing, and yet why were her words sinking so warmly into my chest?

“So I will support him. I will keep waiting, believing that he will rise again as our hero.”

She cupped my head in both hands and pressed her forehead against mine.

Heat flowed from where we touched, and the emptiness inside my heart began to fill.

Rubbing her forehead gently against mine, her eyes welling up with tears, Ellis said,

“I love you, Lord Lloyd.”

“――――!”

Her expression, her words, her feelings, all of it made it seem as though she were affirming my very existence.

I had done nothing. I had not even avenged Lishia.

And she loved a worthless man like me? Do not make me laugh.

I pushed Ellis away and broke free from her embrace.

“Stop it…! In the end, all I ever did was follow the path my sister should have walked! I’m not some extraordinary person like you think I am!”

If I had not believed Lishia was dead, I never would have met Ellis. And even if I had, I did not think I would have reached out a hand to her.

That conclusion made me so furious I wanted to kill myself for even arriving at it.

What was all that nonsense about making everyone happy? In the end, I had just been using everyone to affirm myself, had I not?

“If Lishia had still been alive! If I had never met Noir! Then I never would have even thought of walking alongside Ellis and all the unfortunate people! I’m that kind of wretched―”

“―I don’t care about any of that!”

Ellis shouted over me, smothering my cry from above.

The calm look on her face vanished, and as though she could not hold back any longer, she seized both my shoulders tightly.

“It wasn’t Lishia, and it wasn’t anyone else who saved me. It was you, Lord Lloyd!”

“But that’s―”

Ellis and the others thought too highly of me.

The real me was a powerless person who could do nothing alone. I had been protected by Kyros and Lishia, and even now, without Ellis and the others, I could not have accomplished anything.

And yet Ellis spoke as though she truly affirmed someone like me from the bottom of her heart.

“It doesn’t matter to me if you tell me stories about some person I’ve never known! The one I believe in is you, Lord Lloyd! Titles and positions have nothing to do with it. I love you for who you are!”

“But I…”

“Lord Lloyd! You are you! Everyone who has gathered here believing in you is not placing their faith in the profession of Advisor! They believe in you yourself!”

Ellis shouted as though forcing open the heart I had closed off.

Even so, I could not bring myself to accept it.

“Someone like me… without 【Appraisal】, I’m not a person anyone would ever need.”

“I need you, Lord Lloyd. I do not need 【Appraisal】. I need you as a person.”

“I… I can’t do anything on my own… I’m just a weak man without the power to protect everyone.”

“Then I will protect you, Lord Lloyd. My strength exists to protect you.”

“I… I hate myself. In the end, I always think only about myself.”

“And what is wrong with that? I love the way you charge straight ahead without wavering. Just as you once reached out your hand to me, this time I want to reach out my hand to you. I want to walk beside you and move toward the future together.”

Ellis gripped my hand tightly once more.

“This is my advice to Lord Lloyd, the world’s greatest Advisor.”

She smiled and met the gaze of me as I sat there looking down.

“Please… rely on us.”

“――!!”

Those words sounded strangely familiar. Words I felt as though I had once said to someone.

It felt as though something inside me suddenly dropped into place.

“B-But this is my problem. I can’t drag Ellis and the others into this…”

“Please don’t keep tormenting yourself alone. Lord Lloyd’s problem is our problem.”

Why did she care for me that much?

Why did she keep reaching out that far for me?

“If we all make up for one another’s weaknesses, then we can overcome any hardship. You were the one who taught us that, Lord Lloyd.”

“Those words are fake…! No matter how much we struggle, the past will never change…!”

Nothing I did would matter.

Lishia would never come back. And 【Appraisal】 would never disappear from within me.

This 【Appraisal】 was a curse. A curse that said I had killed Lishia.

That curse would keep eating away at me until the day I died.

“That’s true. The past will never change, no matter what we do… but the future can.”

What was there in the future for me?

My goal, my reason for living, was already gone.

There was nothing left for me anymore. I could not even place my hope in the future.

“I no longer have―”

“There are still people suffering right now, just like Lishia did, aren’t there?”

“――!?”

Ellis’s words pierced straight through the depths I had sunk into.

That was right. Noir was still making people suffer even now.

The fight was not over yet. Even as I sat here, more victims were still being created.

But what could I possibly do?

How could I win against an opponent beyond all common sense, someone who could force others to hand over their skills?

“Lord Lloyd. If I were being honest, I would comfort you and offer you gentle words…! But I am a cruel woman. I have no intention of saying anything like that.”

“W-What do you―”

I did not understand. Was she saying that none of what she had told me so far had been gentle?

Without letting go of my hand, she spoke in a clear voice.

“Stand up.”

“――――”

“Face forward.”

“――――”

“If you have time to wallow in despair, then look to the future.”

“――――”

Ellis’s words were certainly not gentle. It was as though she were telling me to keep facing forward no matter what.

Do not fall into despair in a situation like this? That was obviously impossible.

And yet, she would not allow it.

“You hate yourself? Then come to love yourself from now on. Start over from here.”

Ellis’s words were greedy, fierce, and utterly unreasonable.

I wanted to reject them right away. I wanted to lay bare my weakness.

But Ellis would not allow even that version of me.

And I had begun to feel grateful for her words.

“We will continue to support you, Lord Lloyd.”

My heart was hot. It was burning fiercely.

I could not put this feeling into words. I could not even tell whether it was good or bad.

“If no one else will acknowledge you, then we will. So…”

My whole body was hot. Before I realized it, my legs, which had gone cold and would not move, were able to stand once more.

And in the place where there had been nothing in my chest just moments ago, the hottest feeling I had ever known was now overflowing.

Tears welled in Ellis’s eyes, and yet she still forced the corners of her mouth upward as she said:

“Please stand up again, Lord Lloyd!”

What had I been living for?

Now, I felt as though I might finally be able to answer that question.

That was right. It was to live up to the expectations of Ellis and the others, who believed in me and cared for me.

“Thank you, Ellis.”

For that sake, I would never lower my gaze again――――

†