IGTL Chapter 11

Chapter 11 – The Elemental That Misfired and Torched a Nasty Land Shark’s Crotch

“Alright, I’ll call it a day here…”

Somehow, I felt exhausted.

Even a beginner-tier dungeon became grueling when I explored a forest alone. My knees were wobbling from all the squatting I did to stash drop items into my Item Storage. In hindsight, I should have waited until the one-hour Fever Time ended before collecting drops.

DW really did become reality.

For a former accounting clerk and gamer who spent most of his days sitting, that much squatting was brutal.

I picked up a high-grade recovery potion lying on the ground and started toward the Transfer Gate Yggdrasil on the first floor.

“Anyway… what should I tell Kyle?”

Should I tell him I managed to use My Room? No, now that DW had become real, saying that might only invite pointless jealousy.

“Eh, whatever…”

For now, let’s say I couldn’t use My Room. As for the paid items, I would claim I celebrated quitting by splurging real money on them. That would do.

First things first: an inn.

I needed to secure a room. Strictly speaking, I had no need to book anything, since I could return to the real world. It would just waste money, so I preferred not to. But if Kyle asked, “Where did you stay last night?” I’d be in a bind.

Come to think of it, you could buy houses in this world… Back when My Room was a thing, I had never understood the point of buying property in DW, but now I realized they had anticipated situations like this when they designed the system.

If only I had noticed at the time… No, that was unreasonable. A supernatural phenomenon like this didn’t happen under normal circumstances.

When I reached the Transfer Gate Yggdrasil, I said, “Transfer. Central Kingdom,” and warped to the gate within the Central Kingdom.

Materializing in front of the Transfer Gate, I immediately started looking for an inn.

“Okay, let’s see… an inn, an inn… Which ones have vacancies?”

I used the map function to pick out nearby inns.

“Hm. Everything around here’s full…”

Every inn in the vicinity turned out to be fully booked.

“That’s not good… I won’t have an excuse ready when I run into Kyle. Hm. What else is there… oh?”

On the map, I noticed a lodging with vacancies located straight down a back alley.

“There we go. There we go! Tonight’s stay is set.”

Of course, I planned to actually sleep at a net cafe.

I didn’t want to sleep on some rigid medieval European bed. The nightly rate on the map was so cheap it didn’t inspire much confidence anyway. If I was going to sleep, I wanted a reclining seat.

Besides, what I needed right now was the appearance of having stayed at an inn.

Whether I actually slept there was a different matter.

“Still… what a strange spot for an inn.”

I proceeded down the alley until an inn came into view.

It looked terribly run-down, as if it could go under any moment.

“Huh? I feel like I’ve seen this place somewhere…”

I opened the door and stepped inside, only for a person to come flying out from within.

“!?”

I reflexively caught the person, and from deeper inside the inn came a boisterous voice.

“Hey, hey, hey! Who do you think you’re messing with—”

As the voice drew closer, a bald, middle-aged thug appeared, glaring hard at me.

The veins stood out on his forehead as he barked, “Hey! This ain’t a sideshow!” The instant he tried to intimidate me, one of my Elementals flared red and seared the man’s crotch.

“Ah!?”

“Gah!?”

Our voices overlapped in perfect harmony.

The man writhed in pain as his nether regions got scorched, while I blurted in shock that an Elemental had reacted outside a dungeon. After a short, strangled scream, the man foamed at the mouth and pitched forward onto the floor.

And I remembered.

This was that event, “Save the Inn from the Evil Land Sharks!”, the one that rarely triggered if you booked a room at a shabby inn.

The reward was lame: just seven nights free. That was it.

I’d always thought, “Who would ever do this event? lol.” I never imagined I’d get dragged into it myself…

“Th-Thank you for saving us from the land shark!”

The person who had been hurled into me bowed repeatedly with gratitude.

But I hadn’t done a thing.

My Elemental misfired and burned the land shark’s crotch on its own.

I really didn’t deserve the thanks.

Because I had nothing to do with them.

“…”

Thinking that saying anything would only entangle me further, I kept silent, whereupon the person who’d been thrown by the land shark dropped to their knees and prostrated themself.

“The land shark demanded we surrender this property. We’ve been at our wits’ end. Please, save us poor souls!”

The truly pitiful one here was me for getting roped into a dumb event like this, but I couldn’t say that. And since things had already progressed this far, there was no helping it.

“Fine. Alright already!”

Damn it, this wasn’t how tonight was supposed to go.

I was going to breeze into an inn and then kick back at a net cafe…

All of it ruined by this empty-headed clown who picked a fight with me.

I glanced at the bald thug, who was clutching his ruined crotch with tears in his eyes, and he bellowed:

“H-Hey! You got any idea who you’re defying? You’re making an enemy of—”

I kicked him square in the crotch mid-sentence.

“GYAAAH!?”

He shrieked, rolled on the floor, and foamed even harder.

DW, indeed. In real life, having your jewels crushed in an instant could put you into shock and kill you. This guy, though, came to right away and glared daggers at me.

Honestly, even if I made an enemy of this thug, nothing serious would come of it.

All that remained was to watch him storm out with a “You’ll pay for this!” and the event would end.

That was simply how the game progressed.

“Y-You… how dare you do this to me! Do you know what happens when you make me your enemy!?”

He puffed himself up and spat threats, but nothing would happen even if I did make him my enemy.

It was just sour grapes.

Best to wrap this event up and get back to the net cafe.

Still… why wasn’t he leaving? I could’ve sworn dealing a set amount of damage made him exit the inn…

“Hey! Don’t you ignore me!”

He was noisy.

Even while I mulled things over, he kept chirping and posturing.

“H-Hey! What are you planning to do!?”

“You’re too loud, so I thought I’d physically eject you…”

Fed up with the racket, I decided to force the event forward. I grabbed him by the scruff, dragged him outside, and tossed him into the alley.

“Grr—don’t think you’ll get away with making me your enemy! You’ll regret this!”

I’d lost count of how many times he’d used that line.

Clutching his crotch, he hobbled away.

Once I confirmed he had left, I returned to the inn. The staff bowed and thanked me.

“You saved us. It’s not much, but please allow us to waive your lodging fee. Do stay with us.”

“Thank you. I’ll take you up on that.”

“Right this way, then.”

The room they showed me was, as expected, a wreck.

Holes in the floor. A filthy wooden bed.

Given this room, I had to wonder if they truly felt grateful.

“This is our pride and joy: the suite. Please make yourself at home.”

Apparently, this was the suite.

It differed rather drastically from the suites I knew.

The staff beamed as they guided me in; I, by contrast, could only offer a pained smile. They placed the key on the table, said, “Please relax and enjoy your stay,” and closed the door.

“…Well, fine. I’m not sleeping here anyway.”

Muttering that, I locked the door, brought up the menu bar, and tapped the logout button. I removed the headgear and checked the time on my smartphone.

—11:40 p.m.

“It’s that late already…”

Tomorrow, I had to go to the police station and the Labor Standards Inspection Office first thing in the morning.

To bring the hammer of justice down on the high-schoolers who beat me up and stole my thirty-million-yen scratch ticket and wallet; on Director Ishida of Administration Division, who took those students at their word, summarily fired me, and then called to say there’d be no severance; and on that wage-thieving black company: Amazing Corporation.

From Item Storage, I took out my favorite “Steam Hot Eye Mask – Chamomile Scent,” removed one from the pouch, unfolded it into glasses shape, and set it over my eyes.

A few seconds later, warmth spread across my eyelids, and the gentle chamomile fragrance tickled my nose.

“Feels like I’ll sleep well…”

As I murmured that, a tidal wave of drowsiness hit. I sank into the reclining seat and dove straight into dreamland.

“Mm… mmm…”

When I woke up, the eye mask had somehow been scattered into pieces.

Eye masks getting mysteriously “purged” by morning. It happened all the time.

I tossed the used mask into the trash, pulled out my smartphone, and checked the time.

—8:30 a.m.

Perfect timing. I rose from the recliner, left the private booth, and told the front desk I wanted a shower. I paid three hundred yen and headed to the shower room.

From Item Storage, I took out shampoo, conditioner, and body soap, set them on the shelf, and undressed.

“Huh? Was I always this muscular?”

As I washed with the body soap, my hands traced over a rugged, chiseled feel.

My abs had turned into a full-on six-pack.

“I did work hard yesterday.”

A lot had happened.

My abs probably had that to thank.

Or not. Who knew.

Thinking such nonsense, I turned off the shower, dried off with a bath towel, changed back into the clothes the high-schoolers had torn to shreds, and left the shower room.

“Alright, time to go…”

I paid for the night’s stay at the register and headed straight for the police station.