IGTL Chapter 29

Chapter 29 – Trouble at the Adventurers’ Guild Tavern; I’m Going to Beat the Idiot Who Picked a Fight

How many times was this exact development going to happen to me now?

Was this the second time already? What was this, some kind of system setting where the moment you walked into a tavern, an adventurer automatically tried to pick a fight with you?

Whatever. I’d shelve that question for later.

Right now…

“Hey. What were you about to do just now, huh? You?”

I grabbed the arm of the adventurer who was trying to swing at the waiter and asked him point-blank.

“H-Hah!? Like it’s any of your business, dumbass!”

“Not my business?”

What was this bald freak even saying?

Of course it was my business.

Thanks to the waiter you just launched into my table, my table was a complete disaster, you know?

Or what, was this a normal occurrence in the Adventurers’ Guild tavern!?

Yeah, no. There was no way. What kind of place was this!?

“…Are you seriously not seeing this mess with your own eyes? You okay? Got a brain inside that skull? You understand what happened here, right? Because you’re the one who caused it, remember??”

When I said that while looking over at my table, the adventurer exploded.

“Don’t feed me that crap! All I did was demand a refund ’cause this waiter served me disgusting food! This has nothing to do with you!”

“Oh, it has everything to do with me! You can’t see what happened to my table!? Because you threw the waiter, the dishes that were on my table are trashed now!”

Well, the Elementals were eating it anyway, but still!

“Tch—s-so what!? If anything, it’s the staff’s fault for serving dogshit food! I didn’t do anything wrong!”

“Hah?”

No, you idiot… you’d already eaten, like, eighty percent of what was on your table!

And you were still yapping that it tasted bad?

Your taste buds okay??

Or were you just some scumbag trying to dine and dash by starting a fight?

I picked up a spoon from the table and took a bite. The savory aroma and rich flavor spread through my mouth.

Yeah. This wasn’t bad at all. Not even close.

So what, then?

You wanted to dine and dash so badly that you dragged my table into it, screaming “this food sucks” as your excuse. That it?

A hot, angry fire settled behind my eyes.

“…No, seriously, the food here is plenty good. What, do you have some kind of taste disorder? You ate eighty percent of this and you’re still calling it disgusting? Are you insane? People like you actually exist…? Wow. That’s unreal. Unbelievable. And for the record, my table is a wreck because you threw the waiter into it. Obviously, you’re paying for this, right? Huh? And if you try saying you don’t have money, my Mob-Fenrir Bazooka might just start spitting fire at your body, so what’s it gonna be, huh? You!!”

I was so furious that the threat came out like a full-on shake down. The adventurer, however, answered without even looking ashamed.

“So what!? You got a problem with me, the great me!? Huh!?”

“Huh? Of course I do! Are you stupid!?”

“Y-You calling me stupid!? I was being nice and quiet and you get cocky… I’ve had it! Duel!”

“Huh? A duel??”

What was this guy’s deal?

Why was he acting so high and mighty?

Still, letting this bald idiot puff his chest out was annoying as hell.

“…Fine by me. But don’t blame me if you die.”

When I muttered that, the Elementals—done with their meal—started zipping all around me, crisscrossing the air with absolute freedom.

“Hah! You think you can beat me, a C-rank adventurer!? Man, you’ve got a blessedly stupid head on your shoulders! That Rank Certificate you’re wearing is probably one of those trendy ‘Level 1 S-rank adventurer’ things, right? A Level 1 weakling like you is gonna regret defying me, the Level 50 Izabel-sama!”

“…Huh?”

Did this idiot seriously think my S-rank Rank Certificate was fake?

It was real, thank you very much!!

I glanced around. The waiter and waitresses were watching with worried expressions.

Yeah… okay. At this point, it couldn’t be helped.

To keep morons like this from polluting the Adventurers’ Guild tavern any more than they already had, I’d just teach him the difference in our weight class.

“Alright. Then come down to the underground training grounds. If you lose, you’re paying for cleaning up the food you spilled, the cost of the dishes you broke, and the cost of the food I’m about to order. And if you try to run, the Elementals will burn your junk, so keep that in mind. Thanks in advance.”

“Big talk, you trash! Fine, then if you lose, quit being an adventurer! You’re in the way!”

“Then let’s do this.”

As I said that, the Elementals—having finished off the Peroperosaurus TKG (egg-over-rice)—gathered at my side.

Alright then, bald adventurer Izabel-sama.

Time to pay for ruining the dishes the waiter carried over for me.

“Come on. Take your stance!”

When we reached the training grounds, the adventurer shouted.

“Won’t be necessary. This bazooka is all I need. Come at me whenever you want.”

The vein in his forehead bulged.

“Perfect! I’ll mess you up!”

He rushed me with a longsword in one hand.

While I yawned, a beam of heat streaked across his blade, and the sword snapped clean off at the base.

The Elementals’ handiwork.

“Wha—!? H-HUH!?”

The bald guy stared at the sword with no tip, wearing a stunned, idiotic expression.

Hey, how’d it feel to have your sword broken by an Elemental the instant you raised it?

That pose with a broken sword was honestly hilarious…

I forced down the laughter and put on a composed face. The adventurer turned pale and stumbled backward.

“N-No way… You’re really an S-rank adventurer?”

“Huh? I’ve been telling you that this whole time.”

Seriously, this guy was amazing. I was wearing a brand-new S-rank proof right out in the open, and he still assumed it was fake?

“…So what?”

Even if you finally got it, your sins didn’t magically disappear.

Looks like he’d finally realized I was an S-rank adventurer, but I wasn’t going to go easy on him.

I had no intention of going easy. Dining and dashing was a crime.

And dragging other people into your dine-and-dash scheme was an even worse one.

As I walked toward him slowly, the bald guy started panicking.

“W-Wait! Please!”

“Hm? What is it??”

“I-It’s not like that! I-I just wanted to complain about how bad the staff is, that’s all…”

“And? Because that’s not what it looked like to me.”

If anything, he looked like the kind of idiot customer who thought, Customers are gods, right? Respect me.

Did he seriously believe employees actually thought “customers are gods” from the bottom of their hearts?

Yeah, no!

Employees chose their customers, too!

Sure, they might treat you like a god if you were one of those god-tier customers with basic consideration, but usually it was either indifference or cold, clipped service. Pick one!

“…Whatever. So, Izabel. Since you’ve lost, how much money do you have?”

“Huh? Money?”

“Yeah. Obviously. Your sword’s broken, right? That means you’ve already lost. Don’t tell me you still plan to fight me with that snapped blade…?”

When I said that, Izabel gave a strained, awkward smile.

“N-No, I mean… yeah, it might be kind of hard to win…”

“Right? Then tell me how much money you’ve got, since you lost. Remember what I said? If you lose, you pay for cleaning up the food you spilled, the cost of the broken dishes, and the cost of the food I’m about to order. Actually, I was thinking I’d treat everyone in the tavern to food, you know. I’m serious. I’m not saying this just because I won. I’ve been thinking it for a while. So…”

The moment I said that, Izabel dropped to the floor and bowed his head.

“I-I’m so sorryyyy!”

Beautiful form.

And yet, somehow, I couldn’t feel a shred of remorse in it.

Don’t tell me you were thinking you could just survive this situation if you apologized really hard?

You couldn’t.

If you thought that, your thinking was sweet enough to be extra sugar, extra honey, sickly sweet.

Sweet enough to give you diabetes.

“Yeah, yeah. I don’t care about that. Let’s go to the tavern.”

Izabel blinked, dumbfounded.

“Huh? Why…? I apologized, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, and that’s exactly the problem. You apologizing on your own doesn’t do anything for me, and I never said I forgave you. Forget the bowing. Come to the tavern with me. If you’re a C-rank adventurer, you’ve got a decent stash saved up, right? Now’s the time to cough it up. Let’s blow it all in one go. Or do you want your junk burned? I mean, I’m fine with burning your junk first and then taking your money, too.”

When I said that, Izabel’s shoulders sagged.

That’s what happened when you tried to dine and dash.

What a complete idiot.

The Elementals formed a ring around him so he couldn’t run, and Izabel made a miserable face.

Too bad. I wasn’t showing mercy.

When we got back to the tavern, I put Izabel out front and raised my voice.

“Listen up! This Izabel says he’s treating everyone here to food and booze! Everything you order from now on, put it on Izabel’s tab. Don’t worry! He may look like this, but he’s a C-rank adventurer. He’s loaded! Tonight, drink until you drop!”

After a brief pause, the tavern erupted.

“Seriously!? You sure? Hah, sorry about this! Hey, bring me another Golden Ale over here!”

“Same here! And bring everything on the menu to this table! Man, I’ve always wanted to say that!”

“Over here too! That’s our Izabel! I knew you were a real one!”

“Then I’ll…”

Muttering that, I opened the menu right in front of Izabel—who was slumped over with a hollow, dead-eyed look—and started ordering with the waitress.

“Four orders of ‘Namitaro Miso Stew’ and ‘Dragonfish Sashimi,’ and four each of ‘Golden Ale’ and ‘Peroperosaurus TKG (egg-over-rice),’ please. Oh, and Izabel here is paying for everything, so if you’d like, you can have the waitresses order food too as compensation for the trouble.”

“Yes! Thank you for your consideration! Then let me confirm your order. Four orders each of ‘Namitaro Miso Stew’ and ‘Dragonfish Sashimi,’ and four each of ‘Golden Ale’ and ‘Peroperosaurus TKG,’ correct?”

“Yes. That’s right.”

“Understood. Please wait a moment!”

With that, the waitress propped the menu against the edge of the table and left.

Beside the table, Izabel stood there wearing an expression like he was about to cry.